tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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