Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
