there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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