my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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