this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
