i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
