I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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