you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
