I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
