is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just pynch a tree in the face
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
