Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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