Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
