This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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