i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
