i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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