You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
