Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
