My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
