they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
