so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
