just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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