OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
