You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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