a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
