So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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