He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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