Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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