I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
