Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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