Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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