I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Acid is not a monday night drug
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
