We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??