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my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
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