im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.