I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Come see our sink grown plant.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
