tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
