Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had sex on a roof
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
