How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
