Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
