Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
