I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
