ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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