I am in a vortex of obligation.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
