what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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