Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
