Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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