what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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