we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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