We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
