i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
