I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
