I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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