Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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