Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
