I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I believe in your delicious
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
