Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
