Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
