Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
