they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
