talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
