I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
