You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
