Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
