Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
