anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
