I just threw up on my dentist
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
