i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
