Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
