ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
