I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
