just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
