you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just had sex on a roof
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
