My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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