Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize