piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
