We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
