he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
