ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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