Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need a beard to bite.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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